The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, right? But let’s cut the shit—they end up feeling more like a pressure cooker of expectations, obligations, and stress. And somehow, we’re all supposed to smile through it. We’re supposed to be merry, present, and perfect, all while juggling a hundred different things on our to-do lists.
It’s easy to feel like you have to say “yes” to everything during the holiday season: the family gatherings, the office parties, the community events, the gift exchanges, the volunteering… the list goes on. And while it might seem like you’re being generous, festive, and just plain good, there’s a truth we need to talk about: You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re someone who struggles with boundaries (or just feels plain guilty when you say no), this time of year can feel like a real test. But here’s the thing: Saying no is not the same as being a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re selfish or unkind. In fact, learning to say no might be one of the most important things you can do for your mental health—especially around the holidays.
the truth about saying yes
Here’s something I want you to hear: Saying yes to everything often means saying no to yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in the need to please others, to be the “perfect” holiday host or guest, or to show up for every invitation that comes your way. But when you spread yourself too thin, you end up drained, stressed, and maybe even resenting the very things you’re supposed to be enjoying. And that energy directly impacts those around you!
You might think, If I don’t go to that holiday party, will they think I’m rude? If I skip that family gathering, will they think I don’t care? And yeah, those thoughts can feel heavy. But here’s what you need to remember: You are allowed to take care of your own needs first. You are allowed to prioritize your mental health, your time, and your energy. In fact, it's your responsibility to!
the power of no
It’s not just about saying no for the sake of avoiding things—it’s about saying yes to what really matters to you. When you say no to the things that drain you, you’re saying yes to peace. You’re saying yes to rest. You’re saying yes to being present for the things that truly bring you joy.
It can be hard to say no, especially when you’re used to putting others’ needs ahead of your own. But here’s something I want to challenge you with: What if your "no" is actually a "yes" to something better?
Maybe it’s saying no to a family dinner and saying yes to a quiet evening at home with your partner. Maybe it’s saying no to an extra shift at work and saying yes to some much-needed time for yourself. Maybe it’s saying no to an invitation because you need to be kind to your body and get some sleep.
You don’t need to explain or justify your “no.” You don’t owe anyone an elaborate excuse. In fact, you don’t even need to explain it at all. Your boundaries are yours—and respecting them is a form of self-respect.
how to say no around the holidays (without the guilt)
Easier said than done, I know. But there are a few simple ways to do it with confidence and without feeling like you’re ruining the holiday spirit.
Keep it simple: You don’t owe anyone a long, complicated explanation. A simple “I’m not able to make it this time” or “I’m taking a break this year” is enough. You don’t need to apologize for taking care of yourself.
Offer an alternative: If you still want to connect with people but can’t commit to everything, suggest another way to spend time together. “I can’t make it to the holiday party, but I’d love to grab coffee after the new year.”
Set boundaries early: The earlier you set your boundaries, the easier it is to stick to them. Don’t wait until the last minute to cancel plans or back out of obligations—be upfront about your limits so people know where you stand.
Trust yourself: You know what you can handle and what you can’t. If you feel like saying yes is going to stretch you too thin, honor that feeling. Trust that your time and energy are precious, and you’re not doing anyone a disservice by protecting them.
Remember: Your worth is not in your availability or your bank account: Just because you’re not attending every event or saying yes to every request doesn’t mean you’re less valuable. You are worthy of love, respect, and time, regardless of how much you do for others.
wrapping it up: give yourself the gift of no
The holidays don’t have to be a marathon of “yes”es. The greatest gift you can give yourself this season is permission to say no to the things that don’t align with your needs and values. Saying no isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. It’s a way to protect your peace, prioritize your well-being, and show up as your most authentic, grounded, badass self.
So, this holiday season, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the thought of another commitment, remember: it’s okay to say no. You don’t have to do everything. You don’t have to be everything. You are enough just as you are—no “yes” required.
Take a breath. Take a step back. And let yourself rest. You deserve it.
